How the Comparison Game Will Crush You

Welcome to the latest edition of Unlocking Your Greatness with Wendy Bjork. As an international bestselling author, inspirational speaker and guide to others, as well as founder of heartsofwellness.com, my mission is empowering others to find peace, joy and fulfillment by embracing simplicity.

Why is comparing ourselves to others harmful?

We are conditioned to compare.

What does someone else have that I don’t?

We may become upset with ourselves, feeling unworthy, jealous and even angry .

Why do we do this to ourselves?

You’ve probably heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of all joy.” While comparison can be helpful to some degree (like learning from others or being inspired), it’s often harmful and can lead to feelings of envy and low self-esteem. If you’re looking to improve your mental health, it’s important to examine your toxic comparison habits and break them.

It Fuels Your Insecurities

The nagging feeling that you don’t quite measure up to those around you is a direct result of your unhealthy comparison habit. Comparing fuels your insecurities because it sends the message that you aren’t good enough on your own and need the approval of others to feel worthy. The problem is that once the external validation is gone, the insecurities resurface and you’re back on the roller-coaster ride of unhealthy comparisons.

It’s a Waste of Time

Another big issue with comparing is that it doesn’t actually help you achieve what you want in life. In fact, it may even stifle your motivation. When you compare, you’re focusing on what other people have or are doing and ignoring your own unique strengths, passions, and gifts. This stifles your creativity and limits your ability to contribute your unique skills and talents to the world.

It’s a Cycle of Despair

When you’re on the comparison roller-coaster, it can feel like an endless cycle of despair. You start by identifying something about someone else that makes you feel less than, and then you search for ways to prove it. It could be anything from your friend’s new car to their professional success. Whatever the trigger is, you end up on a downward spiral that shatters your confidence and leaves you with an empty feeling. It’s a vicious cycle that can be hard to break.

It’s a Waste of Your Energy

The nagging voice inside your head says, “How am I ever going to get ahead in this job?” “Why can my friends afford that nicer house? They must have great salaries.” It’s easy to get caught up in this cycle and spend your entire day thinking about how you don’t measure up to those around you. It’s a waste of time and energy that you could be spending doing something more productive.

It Causes You to Feel Bad About Yourself

The final reason why comparing is so harmful and dangerous is that it can lead to feelings of shame and despair. Comparing can stifle your sense of self-worth, and if you have low self-esteem to begin with, it can be especially difficult to break the habit. Low self-esteem causes you to compare yourself to those who have more or who have accomplished more, believing that if you can just beat them, you’ll finally feel good about yourself. The truth is, however, that any ego-boost you get from beating those who are “ahead of you” will fade.

If you’re struggling with a harmful comparison habit, it’s important to take stock of the situation and examine your own beliefs that are leading to it. Once you understand the root of the problem, it becomes much easier to replace it with a more positive and empowering mindset.

You can read my related article here: How-do-we-ditch-the-looking-glass-self?

When you find yourself thinking thoughts that are unhelpful, thank them, send them on their way and replace with a positive spin. Pretty soon, it will become automatic as with any other habit.